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Children often have difficulty adjusting to cancer in the
family, especially if it affects a parent or brother or sister.
It is particularly difficult if the person with cancer is
in hospital or looks different. Change can be frightening
for children.
You may be constantly asking children to be quiet, do extra
things around the house or stay with friends after school.
As a result children may behave differently to gain attention
or become insecure and refuse to leave your side or that of
your partner.
Helping children to understand
- Try to understand what it is that they fear will happen.
This will help you to decide what information they can handle
and how it should be given
- Communicate feelings as well as facts
- Give simple, honest answers to their questions and correct
misunderstandings. Children respond well when they feel
they are being given time especially for them
- Try to explain what will happen next
- Reassure them that even if things are not good at the
moment there will be better times
- Don't make promises you may be unable to keep
- Encourage them to play with their friends, participate
in their usual activities, as this represents normality
Adult children may have mixed emotions, loyalties and coping
abilities. In some respects they thrive on being regarded
as an adult, but during times of illness in the family it
can be really hard going. Be aware of this and look for signs
that an adult child needs a little extra support and encouragement.
There are two mailing lists you may be interested in. We
have provided below details of each of these.
CARINGPARENTS - helps parents share concerns
with other adults who are helping kids deal with illness.
CARINGKIDS- offers a place where kids can
go to share their feelings with other kids who are close to
someone who is ill.
CARINGPARENTS
This mailing list is for any adult who wants to talk about
how kids cope with serious illness, whether it is their own,
or that of someone close to them.
When kids must cope with their own illness or that of someone
they care about, they face not only the issues confronting
anyone dealing with illness, but have special concerns unique
to them.
Members of CaringParents include parents and other caregivers
of very ill children, seriously ill adults concerned about
their own children, health services professionals, and other
adults with a special interest in helping kids cope with illness.
Members of CaringParents share their concerns, questions,
stories, suggestions, and encouragement with other adults
who are helping a kid cope with illness. Also, the kid discussion
managers from CaringKids and SickKids are a part of CaringParents,
sharing feedback and insight from their lists, giving members
of CaringParents a 'glimpse' of the kids lists (since adults
may not subscribe to the kids lists directly).
To subscribe to CaringParents, send this email (You will
get a detailed help file after you subscribe with additional
information on how to manage your subscription):
To: listserv@sjuvm.stjohns.edu
Subject: - blank - or anything you want, it is ignored
Message: subscribe CaringParents FirstName LastName
CARINGKIDS
This is for kids who know someone who is ill, offers an open
forum where kids may exchange information, share their feelings,
and establish friendships with other kids dealing with similar
issues. Venting feelings, asking questions, affirming others,
and even exchanging humour are all expected on these lists.
Kids are encouraged to be themselves and find the support
they need to cope with the issues of illness. This list is
unmoderated in that messages will not be evaluated for appropriateness
prior to posting; however, they will be supervised by adult
listowners. Grown-ups will not be permitted to participate
on these lists as their purpose is to provide kids with their
own safe place to share. However, adults are welcome to contact
the listowners with any questions or concerns they might have.
We also recognize that in a great many families, there is
just one email account for the family; so it is up to the
family members to respect the privacy of each others mail.
And, a team of kids will be organized to be the Discussion
Managers.
To subscribe to CARINGKIDS send an e-mail message to
listserv@sjuvm.stjohns.edu
Leave the subject line blank, and in the body of the message
put SUB CARINGKIDS your_name.
If you have any trouble subscribing, if you are an
adult, or if you need further information, send an e-mail
to reach the Adult Advisors at this address: CARINGKIDS-REQUEST@sjuvm.stjohns.edu
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